aku blg: “if it's me, i won't call it love.” dia blg: “why?” aku jwb: “love suppose to be romantic, full of flowers, hugs & kisses, dates, promises, dinners.. and i think he doesn't feel the same way as you do. have you ever asked him? i mean, does he know that you love him? do you think he loves you? don't be naive.” dia blg: “i dunno. i never ask anything bout our status. maybe you're rite. maybe it's just me. maybe he doesn't feel the way i do. you're a man. you know men better than me. you tell me.” aku jd kasian jg.. aku tak bermaksud membuatnya sedih atau patah semangat. aku blg: “i'm sorry. didn't mean to break your heart. maybe he's a different guy. one of a kind. i actually don't know him completely. i never will. i believe we will never know anyone completely. and i don't believe in psychology :-D”
i know we can't be together. we haven't seen each other for years. maybe he's changed. met someone. i'm sure it won't be hard for him to find someone and date. yes, he texted me sometimes, but as usual we never talked bout our feeling.
aku blg: “why don't you ask him?” dia jwb: “i'm afraid.” aku tny: “what are you afraid of?”
i'm afraid to find the answer. i'm afraid it will break our frienship. if it's a 'positive' answer, i'm afraid we'll change. as a lover, i'm afraid he will less honest bout me. he won't become himself just to pleased me. i even more afraid if it's a 'negative' response. i'm afraid he will go away. i'm afraid of broken hearted. if he's gone, so will our memories. i'd rather keep it for me, my self.
aku blg: “is it alrite if i ask him? i mean i can help you found out what's on his mind bout you, how does he feel for you. will you let me do it?” dia jwb: “thanks, but no thanks. if anyone should found out bout his feeling.. it'd be me :-)”
well, ok. and i keep my promise. now they're both gone, i mean not here in bandung :-D. least i can do is write the story in here. hope that we will learn something new bout love. a new perspective. as for me, i still don't really believe in things called 'love' :-) i mean i know i love my mom, dad, sisters & brothers, my family. i know i love Aikido. i know i love what i'm doing rite now. but kind of love we've talked above? no!
i always try to be open minded bout anything. maybe, someday i will be lucky enough to say 'i love you' to someone, or at least to feel 'in love' (like my friend did). maybe :-)
till then..
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