3 warsa (sekuel)

9 thn tdk ada artinya dlm lat aikido, mnurutku. agus-sensei blg, makna shodan adalah tingkatan dmn kita baru mulai belajar aikido, jd baru 3 tahun aku bljar (lbh pendek lg). mksdku, refleksi ini adlh gmbran singkat pndngan seorang pemula dlm aikido. aku pun brharap, smg selamanya sampai aku mati nanti, aku akan tetap berjiwa pemula.

aikido mjadi media buatku dlm mcari arti hidup. aku tdk akan mngklaim sdh memahami arti hidup tentunya :-D tp plg tdk aikido mberikan byk perspektif baru buatku.

pasca-SMU, dlm upaya mcari jati diri, byk fase dlm kehidpanku yg tdk bs aku blg mbanggakan. tp itu jg tdk brarti aku mnyesal, mungkin sdh takdirku untuk mnempuhnya. pasca-ukemi-pertama, apa yg berawal dr keisengan trnyta brubah mjadi slh satu hal yg plg brmakna dlm hidupku.

aikido byk mngubah cara pandangku trhdp hidup & khidupan. aikido mngjarkan untuk mmandang hidup scr positif. aikido mngjarkan untuk menerima. aikido mngjarkan untuk brterimakasih, bhkan untuk kekurangan. mskpun blm smua yg diajarkan mampu aku amalkan, tp plg tdk hidupku sdh mjadi lbh bahagia. bahagia adalah produk pikiran. nah, aikido mbuat makna bahagia buatku mjadi lbh sdrhana :-) (aku tekankan ini smua hnylah pnglaman subjektif). aikido mbuatku lbh byk trsenyum & trtawa.

hmpir sluruh durasi hidupku dhabiskan dgn penuh ketergantungan tanpa sumbangsih berarti dariku buat org lain. mskpun blm byk.. tp aikido mbuatku sdh bs mncicil hutangku trhdp ortu, kluarga & msyrakat. aku tdk bs mnilai sbrpa bsr artinya, tp yg sdikit ini pun sdh jauh lbh baik & mbhagiakan :-). mdh2an apa yg prnh aku ajarkan dpt mberi manfaat buat lbh byk org.

aikido jg mbuka pintu yg lbh lebar buatku untuk brsosialisasi. plg tdk dr segi kuantitas, saat ini aku bs mngenal lbh byk org dr pelbagai kalangan, dr usia batita smpai warga senior. sesuatu yg bahkan tdk trbayngkan untuk pribadi (cndrung) introvert ketut-belia. aku prcya teman adlh harta yg sgt brhrga, mskpun aku msh brjuang mlawan ketertutupanku.

last but not least.. aikido mbuatku lbh percaya diri. aku mrasa bhw aku mmiliki sesuatu yg brharga dlm hidup. hidupku jg mulai mmiliki arti yg lbh positif. ini smua mbuatku mjd lbh bangga trhdp diriku sndri. dan ktika rasa bangga & bahagia, yg mdh2an tetap dliputi kerendahan hati, sdh mjd milik kita.. sprtnya tdk byk lg yg aku butuhkan :-)

mungkin sumbangan trbesar aikido dlm hidupku adlh.. AIKIDO mbuat HIDUP mjd lbh SEDERHANA :-).

3 warsa

3 thn yg lalu aku resmi mnyandang sabuk hitam Dan 1 Aikido. pasti BUKAN yg terbaik :-D, tp PASTI yg pertama :-) dr unpad dojo.

kira2 enam thn jeda antara ukemi pertama (d ubin, baju kaos, training) & ukemi pertama dlm balutan hakama. pastinya jelas selisih kualitas teknis & non-teknis aikido-nya. kualitas teknis yg dpastikan jauh berbeda, mskpun ga bs dbilang yg terbaik d bdg ini :-D tp lmynlah :-).

3 thn yg lalu.. ada rasa bangga mnjdi bagian dr elit yudansha bdg. bangga mjadi yg prtma dr unpad dojo. mrasa keren lat brbalut hakama hitam. perspektif baru ktika mnguji mudansha. dan tentunya tanggung jawab baru yg lbh besar d pundak.

smntra ada lbh byk lg dampak sistemiknya dlm khidpan pribadiku (yg jg trlalu prbdi untuk publik).

3 thn kmudian (saat ini, mjelang ujian k Dan 2).. perubahan itu tdk identik dgn fase sblmnya. tanpa brmksd mrendah, aku malah mrasa smakin bodoh scr teknis & tanpa brmksud mngeluh, lbh byk kecewa dlm aspek non-teknis. (mskpun scr umum, aku mrasa lbh/smakin bahagia dlm hidupku). tntu saja, ada byk hal baru yg dapat dlm fase shodan (Dan 1) ini. tp blm ada pncapaian yg sesuai pngharapanku. learning by doing emang sgt brkesan d hati, tetapi tanpa 'panduan' yg jelas kdg brsifat kontra-produktif atau kurang efisien dlm pnggunaan smber daya.

kekecewaan yg plg mdalam adalah mndapatkan fakta bhw para sensei & senpai trnyta tdklah sesempurna yg aku bygkan. aku sadar bhw mrk jg adalah manusia biasa. kekecewaan ini akhrnya prlahan mjadi bs dterima. mskpun tdk bs kupungkiri bhw untuk bbrp oknum rasa hormatku sdh trnoda.

ada kualitas2 trtentu yg aku harapkan dr seseorang yg sdh bljr aikido belasan tahun bhkan puluhan tahun. tp ini jg mbuktikan (at least for me) kl aikido itu tdk sdrhna & mudah. trkadang yg paling berat & sulit adlh aikido 'd luar' dojo. benar skali semboyan 'masakatsu agatsu.' musuh trbesar adlh diri kita sndri, shingga kmnangan sejati adlh ktika kita bs mngalahkan diri sndri. entah aku sndri bs atau tdk untuk sampai ksna sblm matiku.

aku jg mnyadari bhw kualitas non-teknisku jg tdklah smpurna. pasti ada cela ku. tp aku slalu brhrp cela ku ini msh dlm batas wajar :-).

well.. sbnrnya, biasanya, aku trmasuk org yg realistis. tp entah mngapa sulit skali buatku ntuk mnerima bhw aikido-sensei adalah manusia biasa jg. dan bukankah salah satu dimensi harmoni dlm aikido adalah antar-sesama manusia. harmoni, mnrutku, yg tdk mnsyaratkan persamaan & kondisi ideal. tp upaya untuk bs mnrima prbedaan. :-)

roman picisan part II

aku blg: “if it's me, i won't call it love.” dia blg: “why?” aku jwb: “love suppose to be romantic, full of flowers, hugs & kisses, dates, promises, dinners.. and i think he doesn't feel the same way as you do. have you ever asked him? i mean, does he know that you love him? do you think he loves you? don't be naive.” dia blg: “i dunno. i never ask anything bout our status. maybe you're rite. maybe it's just me. maybe he doesn't feel the way i do. you're a man. you know men better than me. you tell me.” aku jd kasian jg.. aku tak bermaksud membuatnya sedih atau patah semangat. aku blg: “i'm sorry. didn't mean to break your heart. maybe he's a different guy. one of a kind. i actually don't know him completely. i never will. i believe we will never know anyone completely. and i don't believe in psychology :-D”

i know we can't be together. we haven't seen each other for years. maybe he's changed. met someone. i'm sure it won't be hard for him to find someone and date. yes, he texted me sometimes, but as usual we never talked bout our feeling.

aku blg: “why don't you ask him?” dia jwb: “i'm afraid.” aku tny: “what are you afraid of?”

i'm afraid to find the answer. i'm afraid it will break our frienship. if it's a 'positive' answer, i'm afraid we'll change. as a lover, i'm afraid he will less honest bout me. he won't become himself just to pleased me. i even more afraid if it's a 'negative' response. i'm afraid he will go away. i'm afraid of broken hearted. if he's gone, so will our memories. i'd rather keep it for me, my self.

aku blg: “is it alrite if i ask him? i mean i can help you found out what's on his mind bout you, how does he feel for you. will you let me do it?” dia jwb: “thanks, but no thanks. if anyone should found out bout his feeling.. it'd be me :-)”

well, ok. and i keep my promise. now they're both gone, i mean not here in bandung :-D. least i can do is write the story in here. hope that we will learn something new bout love. a new perspective. as for me, i still don't really believe in things called 'love' :-) i mean i know i love my mom, dad, sisters & brothers, my family. i know i love Aikido. i know i love what i'm doing rite now. but kind of love we've talked above? no!

i always try to be open minded bout anything. maybe, someday i will be lucky enough to say 'i love you' to someone, or at least to feel 'in love' (like my friend did). maybe :-)

till then..

roman picisan ^^

ini kisah seorang teman yg (konon) jatuh cinta dgn temanku yg lain. ^^

dia tanya: “how do u know when u LIKE someone?” aku jwb: “biasanya aku jd gugup didekatnya, gagapku bs kambuh, i'm thinking of something smart to say and then nothing of'em comes out of my mouth.” dia tny lg: “how do u know when u LOVE someone?”(dia benar, kami sadar betul ada perbedaan besar antara 'suka' & 'cinta' .. dan dlm hal ini kami membatasi hanya pada partisipasi cinta antara lawan jenis) aku jwb: “i dunno, guess i never had one.. yet. once, i thought i've fallen in love but then it's gone. guess that doesn't count, does it? coz love stays.” trus dia blg: “i think i'm in love now.. and u're rite, love stays no matter what.” lho?! begini ceritanya..

(eh belum ding :-D) aku balik tny: “how do u know if u're in love now?” dia jwb: “i dunno, can't tell it. just know it.” sbg pemuja logika rasional tentu saja aku terusik, aku blg: “how come? if u can't explain it, it doesn't exist.” dia jwb: “but there are things that exist and can't be explained by our simple mind.” aku blg: “please don't bring any God-things in, let's keep it on earth :-D”

(fast forward)

aku blg: “tell me bout him.”

he's smart, at least he looks smart :-). that's what most matter for me. physically he's ok, not a look-model but ok :-D but somethings bothered me, we're quite a different kind of person. we argue a lot bout almost everything. and actually i don't always like his opinion. but i must admit i really enjoy our 'fight' :-) maybe because that's the only reason we can be together at that time.

(aku potong bentar.. saat ini kedua teman ini sdh tdk tinggal di bandung lagi. masing-masing bekerja di dua kota yg berbeda. meskipun demikian kami bertiga msh saling berhubungan dlm dunia maya)

i enjoy the time we spent together. we actually never had a romantic date. when we together, we usually just walk, or chat, or eat (i won't call it a 'dinner' coz we never had one :-)). we never saw a movie. he even rarely touched my hand, just when we sit in 'angkot' or cross the road (things like that when u naturally touch or hold one's arm). nothing u may diagnosed as a 'romantic stuff.' in fact, i believe noone will call us a lover :-D

but i know i miss him. i miss him a lot. i miss our argue, our fight. i miss when we disagree. like i've told u before, i know when i like someone, but i can't explain why i like or even love (?) him. that's why i call it LOVE :-D

to be continued..

empathy

aikido is more than a martial art. O-sensei told his disciples: "do you think i'm teaching you merely how to twist some one's arm & knock him to the ground? that's child's play. aikido deals with the most important issues of life!" that makes aikido is also a philosophical system.

as a system, it has a set of "morals" or "virtues." in aikido, four primary virtues are held dear: 1. the virtue of courage; 2. the virtue of wisdom; 3. the virtue of love; 4. the virtue of empathy.

the virtue of empathy is the social dimension of aikido. philosophy can never exist in a vacuum, and we must always ask ourselves, "how do our actions affect the world in general and others in particular?" if the insights of aikido are not applied to the realms of human relations, ecology, economy, and politics, they are of little value.

empathy is the ability to imagine and share another person's feelings. aikido techniques involve empathy within them, from musubi (connecting), to awase (blending) and finally zanshin (lingering connection).

connecting is crucial for the execution of techniques. if you do not connect, it does not matter what you do. we connect with the intention & momentum of the attacker even before making any physical contact or connection. advanced students build up this connected sensitivity after many years of practice & experience.

the ability to blend with an attack is one of the most important aspects of aikido. blending means to "go with" or "flow" with the power, force, momentum, and inertia of an attack. when attacked, rather than forcibly resisting, the advanced aikido practitioner intercepts, moves off the attack line, & turn his body, redirecting the attack until the attacker is off-balance.

once you throw a training partner, there remains a connection or link through focus and concentration. think of the musubi with a training partner as making the statement, "i have you now." hold on to that statement after you have thrown your training partner, as if to say, "i still have you." that lingering connection or statement of intent is zanshin.

aikido is spiritual in its attitude of application and philosophy of non-resistance and loving protection of even the attacker. aikido is not simply a matter of physical technique; it is the art of living well, in harmony with others and at peace with the world.

it is all surely "easier said than done" :-) so.. let's put on the gi and start practice!